The REAL HP Final Battle
by Namitha
Summary: This is what happens when you get 3 sleep depraved HP nerds who just got back from the final movie premiere and dont like the ending.


The Muggle interpretation of the final battle was WRONG! This is the true final battle.

I do not own Harry Potter, the characters, or the idea of the final battle. J.K. Rowling does. I just own this interpretation. Ya. MOREOVER, I DONT OWN OLIVIA OR KEARSTEN. THEY OWN THEM SELVES. I do own Missy though. And, since there is kind of a Lord of the Rings quote, I don't own them either.

Listen to "Na-na-na-na" By My Chemical Romance while reading.

'_thoughts'_

"speaking"

"YELLING"

*special effects*

"Harry is dead. This is the end." BellaTrix smirked, her nasty face twisting eerily.

"Now is your time to step forward and claim your allegiance to me!" Voldemort shouted, waving the Elder Wand in the air.

"Draco. Draco, come here. Please, Draco." Lucius Malfoy waved frantically to his son. "Draco! Please..." Sissy Malfoy begged of her son. Draco took one hesitant step forward, and another, when an odd looking chair blocked his path. He looked down at the back of the chair, where a bag was hanging that he recognized as a Gryffindor girls, Olivia Granger, Hermione's younger sister. Suddenly, a head popped out of the bag slightly, causing him to jump backwards, and a small voice spoke from the head. "Draco Lucius Malfoy, I swear to every existing deity that if you take one more step towards that nasty spit-fuck of a man, I will personally murder you with a spoon." And then the head disappeared. _'... was that... a Weasley... in a book bag?'_ What scared him the most was that the next thing he saw sticking out of the bookbag was a tiny hand holding a silver spoon. "Mommy..." He whimpered.

"NO!" The spoon was launched towards his face and before he knew it, it popped him in the nose.

"OW."

"And let that be a lesson to ya!" the voice shouted.

"BOTH of you, shut UP. I am trying to make a dramatic entrance here!" a voice from the front of the chair hissed.

"Sorry, Livvy." The book bag voice whispered.

"Dont tell me to shut up, mud-blood." Draco muttered.

"HEY!" Two voices and two spoons simultaneously flung themselves at his face.

"WHAT THE- THERES TWO BOOK BAG HOBBITS?" Draco fell backwards a few more steps.

"You're one to talk, stupid ferret." The second "book-bag hobbit" voice said.

"OKAY, enough insulting each other!" Olivia said. She turned her head to her sister. "Sis, may I please kill Moldy-Wart... I mean… Voldemort now?"

"…. CHARGE." Hermione stated, pointing to Voldemort. Olivia set her chair into full gear and sped towards Voldemort at 20 MPH.

"_Duh-dah-duh, duh-dah-duh, duh-dah-duh-dah-DAH! Duh-dah-duh, duh-dah-duh, duh-dah-dah-dah-DUH_!" A hand had emerged from Olivia's bag, holding a spoon, and a voice started singing. "_Duh-dah-duh, duh-dah-duh_ and I'm bored now." And the hand disappeared back into the bag.

"What the…?" Voldemort muttered. Olivia stopped only 10 feet away from him. "That's my back up." She stated, glaring at the wicked man standing before her. She looked at the control pad for her chair and pushed one button, a soft pink glow enveloping her chair. Her short hair blew gently, as if a breeze hit her, and two legs emerged from either side of her chair, one long, one shorter, and then bodies followed. A smaller girl emerged from the side the spoon had been sticking out of, shorter, a read-head; and from the other side, a taller, brunette girl with wide, dark eyes popped out.

"KEARSTEN MINERVA ATHENA ELVIRA MCGONAGALL, GET YOUR LITTLE BUTT BACK HERE!" Professor McGonagall shouted from the back of the small group of survivors. Kearsten grinned and shook her head, otherwise completely ignoring her mother.

Ron's jaw dropped, along with George's and Molly's and Arthur's.

"M-Missy?" they gaped at the little read-head girl. She merely glanced at them and then waved them off, turning back to Voldemort.

"Ron, who is that?" Hermione hissed in his ear.

"M-my twin sister… I thought she died… years ago…" Ron muttered.

"Well, I'm not dead, _Bilius_, I'm still perfectly alive." Missy hissed at him. "Now shut it." And just like that, everyone's attention turned back to the girl in the chair, who suddenly didn't look like a Granger anymore.

"Is that Potter, in DRAG?" Draco shouted.

"NO, I'm Olivia, dressed as Potter, now shut up you impudent, arrogant jerk!" Olivia shouted over her shoulder at him.

"Awww, look at the little mud-blood, has to dress up like someone higher up the chain just to feel good about herself." Voldemort teased. "_CRUCIO_!" he launched the curse in her direction, a wide smile spreading across his disfigured face. Almost immediately, it faded, as soon as he saw the curse bounce away from her and into the air. The smirk transferred itself to her face.

"HA, you think something as simple as that could actually hurt me? Peh. WEAK." She laughed, and the two girls on her sides laughed as well. Voldemort fumed, glaring at the girls.

"Weak? Did you just call me weak?" Voldemort's voice rang out all around them, bouncing around the courtyard.

"Ooo you're gonna get it now." BellaTrix teased.

"_AVADA KEDAVRA!_" he aimed at Missy, who immediately fell over.

"MISSY!" Ron's anguished cry rang around the area. He ran over to her side, kneeling next to her fallen form. Her blue eyes were wide open, and her lips were pressed together as if she was repressing a scream. Tears fell onto her face, dripping from Ron's eyes. "You BASTARD! You killed-"

A laugh that she could no longer repress escaped from Missy's lips. "That TICKLED." Missy screeched. Voldemort's eyes widened in utter shock and confusion, and Molly Weasley nearly fainted. "MARISSA MOLLY LILY SUE WEASLEY, DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!" Molly shouted to her daughter.

"Sorry, mum…"

"I just lost Fred and Percy… I don't want to lose you too…" She muttered, crossing her arms over her chest. Missy rolled her eyes and held a hand up to Ron, who had jerked himself onto his feet. "Help?" She asked, batting her long eyelashes at him. Ron pulled her off the ground, and she turned to Olivia, who was fuming, and her face was a boiling red.

"Fred… You killed… my FRED?" She screeched.

Voldemort's face lit up.

"Aww, look, the little mud-blood's in love!" He smirked.

"oooooo" all the Death Eaters laughed, teasing her with jeering snobby looks.

Olivia glared at Voldemort, her eyes narrowing into little angry slits. "Just for that I'm gonna blow you into a thousand little bitty bits." Olivia said.

"Oh, I'd like to see you try." Voldemort said, immediately throwing a bunch of curses in their direction. They all bounced, and Kearsten and Marissa immediately began laughing at the tickly feeling of the curses bouncing off the force field that Olivia was encircling them with. Ron just made an odd face and hid behind his sister. Olivia just continued to stare at Voldemort, waiting for a bigger challenge. As he continued to throw curses, he failed to notice Kearsten produce her wand aim it at him.

"_Expelliarmus!_" She shouted. The Elder Wand flew from his hand and into Olivia's.

"Now, you wicked, cruel man, die!" Olivia pointed the wand to him, just as Neville sliced off that stupid snake's head with the Gryffindor sword, and she screamed, "_AVADA KEDAVRA!_"

Voldemort blew into a thousand bitty bits, just as Olivia had promised.

"….. you… evil little CHILDREN!" BellaTrix screeched, lunging towards Missy. Molly stepped in her way. "_Not my daughter, you BITCH!_" Molly wailed, pointing her wand and _avada kedavra-ing _BellaTrix's ass.

"Go mom!" Missy and Ron shouted at the same time, high fiving each other.

Lucius Malfoy was outraged, and couldn't believe that the dark lord had been defeated. So, he led the Death Eaters in an ambush, charging straight towards the three girls. Kearsten flipped out and dove back into Olivia's book bag. Missy knew that her fearless leader had some kind of plan, so she just stood an waited as Olivia looked at her watch.

"Three…." She mumbled. Kearsten stuck her head out of the book bag and looked over Olivia's shoulder at the onslaught of Death Eaters.

"Liv, do something…" Kearsten hissed.

"Two…"

Missy looked at the sky and finally figured out what Olivia was waiting for.

"ONE!" Olivia and Missy shouted together, just as the sun rose up over the horizon. Lucius was the first to fall, the other Death Eaters not far behind.

"_THE LIGHT! IT BURNS US!"_Lucius wailed, clutching his head as all the Death Eaters burst to flame and disintegrated.  
>"What… The fuck… Was that?" Kearsten asked from her spot in the book bag.<p>

"That was a bunch of Death Eaters exploding in the sunlight." Marisa laughed, patting Olivia on the back. Olivia smiled, just as a huge crash was heard behind them. Olivia quickly turned in her chair, holding up the elder wand. Coughing and spluttering were heard, then wails of joy from the Weasley family rang out, just as Fred ran forward and nearly tackled Olivia out of her chair. "LIV! I MISSED YOU!" Fred screeched, hugging her. Olivia had a spaz attack and gave Fred a long winded speech about not scaring her ever again. He simply nodded and kissed her sweetly. Before anyone could blink, Draco appeared –seemingly out of nowhere– behind Missy and tackled her.

"EEK! WHAT THE-?" She shrieked. Draco had his face buried in her hair and was hugging her tightly.

"You saved me… after all I ever did to you was pick on you…" He mumbled, turning her around so he could face her.

"Well, yeah, I'm not a mean person…" Missy mumbled, avoiding looking into his eyes. Draco grabbed her chin and pressed his lips to hers gently, and she kissed him back, before Ron and Molly pulled him off of her and gave him the "If you hurt her, so help me" Lecture.

Out of nowhere, the billowing black cape of Severus Snape appeared. He then grabbed Hermione and snogged her senseless, disappearing again with a thin wisp of black smoke.

"Holy… Shit…" Hermione said, dumbfounded.

McGonagall clapped her hands together firmly. "Okay everyone, it is now time for our after-battle dance number! ONE TWO THREE FOUR!"

"DUH-NA-NA-NUH, NA-NUH , NA-NUH CANT TOUCH THIS!" Missy, Kearsten, and Olivia sang in unison as the others broke out into a well-choreographed dance.

"DUH-NA-NA-NUH, NA-NUH , NA-NUH CANT TOUCH THIS! And suddenly, I'm bored." Missy walked over to where Draco was dancing and grabbed him by his shirt.

"Ooo where are we going?" Draco asked.

"Somewhere." Missy hissed, dragging him around the corner.

Sirius Black, being his usual self, shuffled up the walkway, muttering to himself. "I'm late, aren't I?" he asked after looking around for a moment.

"Ya think?" Hermione stated.

"DANG I missed the post-battle dance!"

FIN

A/N: Contrary to what you may be thinking at the moment, we are not on drugs. I promise. This is the result of 3 very bored teenage girls (Olivia, Kearsten, and Missy) after the Final Harry Potter Movie. We are semi-sane, we swear.


End file.
